pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
