How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
