i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
