Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
