The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
