did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
