if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
