Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
