Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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