Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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