Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
