32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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