1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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