the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
