i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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