ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
