Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
