she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
