It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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