My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
