I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
