I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
