maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I will pee on everything he values.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
