I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
