That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she told me i tasted like america
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
