So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
