I only kidnapped one of them. chill
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
