i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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