420 ftw
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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