If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I need to stop coming to work sober
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
