had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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