i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
