My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
