it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
