Duck Duck Cougar?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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