Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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