I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
