he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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