I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
