I'm going to jail i love you
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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