if i can run in heels then i can drive
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
