please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
