I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
