in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
