You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
