Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
