the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
