thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
