we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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