youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
