I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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