She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
