plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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