I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
